Lately I’ve pondered the fact that there are some prayers God does not answer, rather, there are some related to me personally that he has not answer. From my childhood years, until my current age, 27, I can think of three prayers specifically God has not answer.
The first prayer: I prayed that my parents would get off of drugs and come and get me. I was raised by my grandmother whom I love dearly, but I always wanted parents, I longed for them to care for me, to love me, and for us all, including my brothers and sisters to be a family, a real family, but that never happened. I can remember as a child my parents telling me “we’re going to come and get you and take care of you”, and that would make me so excited and hopefully; obviously, my parents lied. I would ask God why won’t they come and get me and never had a reply, until I was much older. The second prayer: That my dad would wake up from his coma, you see, in 2008 my dad suffered two strokes, one in January, and the second in December. From the second, stroke he has not recovered. In a sense, we are all still holding out hope, unfortunately, when I visit my dad, he is not recognizable. I don’t know who that physically-deprived man is laying motionless in that hospital bed hooked up to wires. I think the soul of my father has long gone to the created, and in selfishness of my older sibling who will remain not revealed, that remains to be un-believed. The third prayer is for companionship, for LOVE. At around 19 years old I began to ask God for a husband. Since Jesus said “Ask the Father anything in my name, and I will do it” (something to that effect), I believed it, and did. It has been 8 years since I began to pray that prayer, and I have been singe for two and a half years, and celibate for one year. I believe that my celibacy has been well disciplined through extensive replies to men of the word “NO”, and yet as deeply as I have sacrificed my self for the sake of Sanctification, and my love for the Creator, my prayers still haven’t been answer. I wonder, when people claim they have found Love, and even I know that they have, “what makes them so much more prepared and grounded than me that You (God) have given them companionship, while I remain feeling a sense of depravity and rejection in my patience for companionship?” Whenever I bring up questioning the Creator and His doings, I am responded to with the phrase “You probably aren’t ready yet” , and “God does things in His own timing” Do they not realize the heartache in loneliness? And didn’t God say something to the effect “It is not God for man to be alone” (In Genesis)? Although he was referring to a male, you get the jist of my words. It is probably not good for a Human Being to be alone. Please don’t be mistaken this isn’t at all a plea for SEX, it is a desire for friendship, companionship, and love. God has yet to meet my personal request to offer myself to another.
So, what I mentioned above are the three main prayers in my life that God did not, or has yet to answer. I cannot determine whether or not a “no reply” to what I desire has made me question God, but these are/were the most important prayers I prayed, and God hasn’t answered. What’s funny is all my material needs have always been met (food, finances). But, I want substance. I want Him to meet my desires for relationship.
Thank you for reading