Oh, Boundaries…


Personal and social boundaries though important, have been forgotten. I have an old friend who I have known since 2006. He went to jail about 8 months after we became friends and stayed there until October 2012. Through out his years in prison he kept in touch with me through letters. I returned them answering any thing he wanted to know. There were times I did not write because I was going through my own trials and tribulations, so I really wanted to be left alone during those times to think and reflect, and figure things out. One distinct difference in those times were the changes in his letters. They became more sexual and pursuing. I avoided those sexual questions over the course of about 6 months, and when that friend asked me why I was not answering those particular questions, I replied that I do not share things like that unless I am with the person. I found that hard to say because I did not like the way I was approached. It made me a bit uncomfortable, but as my friend I felt that he would understand my boundaries. I do not think that he really caught on. Upon his release, the pursing continued. I should back track because when he was in jail and able to access a cellphone he called to ask me about us being together and I was very clear and understanding of what he wanted, but i also turned him down stating that I only saw him as a friend. Fast forward to his release, he asked me why I opened a door to a relationship at all. I did no such thing and I reminded him of the many conversations that we had, and I reminded him of my answers to his pursuing questions. He continued over the next few months to get “under my skin” in the sense that he overstepped many of the boundaries I set up ruining the friendship from my perspective view. When I told him not to ever call me again, I thought that he got the hint, but in this current day and time he’s called and asked to hang out as though nothing occurred (because he said  “I’m sorry”).  Are the words  “sorry” really enough to restore a friendship, and can things realistically go back to the way they were? I don’t believe that in all sincerity. I do not think it can happen at all. What do you think?

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